First Lesson, Deconstructed

Posted: June 2, 2011 in Class

As said before, yesterday’s introductory one-on-one lesson went rather smoothly, if I do say so myself (it’s my blog and I can).  I had envisioned a quick sit-down explanation, segueing into a quick lesson, and capped off a presentation of the dreaded COST.  It went pretty much as I thought with no surprises.

First, I was fitted with a T-shirt and long, heavy black pants (Gahh!!  It’s Summer and hot as hell).  Took a few tries to get the right size but in time I found myself waiting to be called in next.

The “quick sitdown” was very quick indeed with a brief conversation of what brought me in.  Turns out I was in there for a lot of the same reasons other students have been: to get back in shape in a more regimented routine as a gym visit just wasn’t cutting the mustard.  I want to lose weight and get off my meds.  Let’s face it, I am overweight and do an awful lot of sitting on my ass 9-5.  I also want to pick up something practical along the way (i.e. self-defense).  

With that out of the way I doffed my sneakers and socks (one of which was ripped I found out) and sashayed into the mini-dojo for a little punch ‘n’ kick.  We covered the following:

  1. Proper stance
  2. Right punches (with gloves)
  3. Left punches (with gloves)
  4. Combination punches (with — oh, you get it!  Punches involved boxing gloves)
  5. Forward kicks
  6. Snap kicks
  7. Knee drives
  8. Combination punching and kicking

I am not sure if the instructor was trying to encourage me or if it was actually true but he claimed I threw the best punches he’d seen “in a long time” (assuming here, of course, that he’s referring to the first time noobs in their Krav Maga infancy).  If it was indeed true I’d chalk it up, at least in part, to my prior martial arts experience all those years ago.  My size and recent inactivity were murder on my stamina and — combines with the heat, humidity, and heavy pants — I encountered my arch enemies, Captain Woozy and Lieutenant Lightheaded.  However, on the…uh…PLUS side….my size does have one advantage, namely giving me some pretty respectable power in my punches and kicks.

POW! (No, this isn't actually me)

I gave it my all and had him grunting behind the bag with each blow.  POW!  WHAMMO!  SMACKO!!  I’ll just go on ahead and pretend he doesn’t do that for everyone.  It’s easier on my ego that way.

I’d like to report that by the end of the 20 minutes I was energized, pumped, ready for more but the sad truth of the matter was that I was completely exhausted, drenched in sweat and dizzy but man did I put on a brave face.   Unlikely that I fooled him; he sees this act several times a day and was, I’m sure, amused at my performance.

We walked into the next room to discuss payment plans, schedules, and class structure.  Turns out there are quite a few white belts in the class, a few of which have been in training for a mere few weeks.  I am also assured that the school has a strong team-oriented philosophy (“no man left behind” kind of stuff) and frowns on hazing and more advanced students overtly laughing at other, newer students.  Rumor has it that some people have actually been kicked out on account of this kind of behavior.

I signed the forms, slide the check over, and before I knew it, it was out the door to purchase my own gloves, shirt, and back-up pants.

All in all, a very good time and I am excited to get into my first class next week.  To think though, the regular class is three times longer than the dojo session I just had.

God help me.

  1. kravlady says:

    Haha, I love your writing style! It’s slightly self-deprecating, but I can appreciate that. Surely you did better than you thought. 😉 Love your remark about krav maga n00bs. You write very entertaining. 🙂

  2. […] White – Anxiety. What am I doing here!? Am I cut out for this? I wish I knew more. Damn, am I tired…and sweaty! When is my next belt? What is testing like? Why is everything so sore? Oh great, another bruise. So much to learn. […]

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